Archive for the ‘ECC’ Category
“Does Mr Simon like to play sex?”
One noticeable difference between Japan and the UK is the level of extra-curricular participation. Japanese students pursue a variety of activities with enthusiasm and gusto. British kids do not. Does this explain the differing levels of childhood obesity between the two countires? Possibly. More likely is the sad fact that one nation’s youth seem to delight in eating shite, while the other does not.
A normal ECC session in my school involves sitting and watching as the 7 club members fill in worksheets or listening as they chat in English. Occasionally they will dictate passages and seek corrective input. Thus proceeds the theoretical line of official practice.
In reality a normal ECC session involves sitting, watching, listening as the club members gossip, chat to each other or look out the window and discuss which members of the soccer or baseball teams they fancy in Japanese. Occasionally I will be interrogated as to my likes and dislikes, lusts, whims and fancies. English is sometimes spoken.
I become the student when assistance with texting in Japanese is sought. The students revel in the role of teacher and rightly admonish me for my poor grasp of grammar and vocab. Their help has successfully secured me dates with the fairest of maidens – I hope they are aware of my gratitude.
Communication in the ECC is broken, resting between English and Japanese, hovering much nearer one than the other.
I was surprised when I was asked whether I liked to “play sex.” What is an English teacher supposed to say in such situations? Yes, but grammatically speaking one doesn’t “play” sex?
My attempts to brush off this line of inquiry failed. Sensing my unease, scenting a kill, and with the aid of a dictionary, the next question was:
“Does Mr Simon like violent sex?”
Followed swiftly by:
“Do you like to shake it vigorously?”
‘Hole it put in’ was then written on the board.
A further proposition suggested replacing the English of ECC, with Eros – the Eros Communication Club.
Much mutual laughter ensued. What the fuck was I supposed to say? Please further define violent? Does light biting/scratching count? I once spanked a girl and she liked it? Not all pain is bad but I draw the line when blood is drawn? Do you mean Japanese violent sex or the rest of the world’s understanding?
While impressed with the students’ English abilities I cannot, did not and will not sanction such lines of conversation. Like an Ostrich with its head in the sand, or Ronan Keating, I thought it best to say nothing at all. Although it can get lost in translation, sometimes the truth hurts.
My pain was eased, and fear for my job increased, when a Japanese teacher entered the room. ‘Hole it put in’ was quickly removed from the board and the conversation returned to more wholesome topics like unko (うんこ) – shit.
